What did you see
what did you hear

In that quarter second
was there time to fear?

In those moments just after
your heart stopped its' beating

and all your young life
and functions then fleeting...

Your brain stunned by the impact
Did it say no more?

Or did you have a last thought
At Eternities' door?

Oh, the thoughts that I had
As the words we all dread

Came from lips of a stranger....
"Your loved one is dead"

Already? I screamed....
It just cannot be!

Too soon, too soon
"It should have been me!"

For I had given thought
time and time again

To when you would face
My own lifes' end.

I'd made all those plans
To comfort you, my son

When My life on earth
with you was done

Experiences and memories
deposited carefully with love

That you then could draw from
When I'd gone on home above

Now painful reminders
That for me, have new meaning

As their value wanes, and
My heart is left keening

An afghan lovingly knitted
A quilt, so cozy and warm

All of your special belongings
from your room at the Dorm

Your most cherished possession
Now twisted fiberglass and steel

Where the last clasp of your hands
Gripped that broken steering wheel!

Standing naked in a junkyard
Starkly bare, torn and bent

I cannot bear to look upon it
Depicting , that last event

Tragic horror on display
Blood upon seats and floor

Writing one last message...
"You will see Eric no more..."

I see you each day, though
and every night too

I carry you with me
In all that I do

Knowing how you felt
Remembering what you said

Your words come again
Now that you are dead...

"If I should have to die young
I want to die in my Firebird"

A thought born of three other times
When you called and gave me word

That a careless driving stranger
Through no fault of your own

Had plowed themselves into you
Hurting vehicle, flesh and bone

This time it wasn't you that called
Word didn't come by phone

Two men came here to tell me
Words I shouldn't hear alone....

I still fight the "If only" thoughts
Of what you might have done

After years of work and sacrifice
Your rewards had just begun

Whatever your assignment
Appointed by our Creator

Must have been accomplished
We'll be reunited later

And yet it is not over....
For you've still left your mark

On each and every life you touched
A brilliance now grown dark...

Whatever we do ,
Wherever we may go

In losing you, Eric,
We all had to grow

Because you were taken
Life became something new

For some, much more precious
I wish for me, that were true

But for me, my dear son
I just want it to end

It's so lonely without you
My soulmate and friend

I know I must go on
I love others and I see

It would be worse for them
To lose BOTH you and me

But it all seems so pointless
So painful and bleak

I give it all my very best
And each day I seek

A foothold, for first steps
Toward horizons unseen

A journey lies before me
Like a cinemascope screen

Right now, I don't see it
Life seems bleak and

But I know that I must
Go on day by day

How tragic that (for us)
There was no last embrace

No last words were spoken,
Eye to eye, face to face

Now examining our lives
I search for a clue

So hungry to know,
What it all meant to you

Did you bless me or curse me?
For your life here on earth

Was it all mere survival?
Or did you see its' worth?

Now you know our Father !
Mis-represented so, here

Feel peace, my son. and know at last
That to Him you are so dear!

You searched in vain,
Among mortal men....

And now have found,
What you wanted then

Acceptance, love,
Integrity and trust...

Instead of Power,
Greed and lust

Life has a way of breaking men
With temptations, trials and fires

Caught within the snares of...
Sin.... ambition... and carnal desires

You always saw right through it all
And had a greater view

Of what had worth and value and
Was right or wrong to do.....

Would you have fallen into them too?
lost your rare, and unique design?

Or were you sent to just briefly stay
Inspiring others to clearly define

Making their own ~ better choices ~
As they go on to live their lives

Becoming better people, Futures'
Families..... husbands and wives

I don't see the finished painting
Being created right now

But I know the Artist composing it
And before His work, I bow

Sometimes the `bowing down'
Of meekness and of trust

Breaks my will, and my heart too
Yet, I know, bow down, I must....

SO I will keep on trying
When I only want to cease,

And through our Father' guidance
I will, someday, find peace.....


Eric Lee Baker  About Me<bio>  Master Index  Family & Friends  Guestbook Home E-Mail 

by Nina Roberta Baker 1997