My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or
My house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn;
I think I might never put my glasses back on!
anyone tell you you're getting old.
Squash their toes with your rocker.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth
waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
I want people to know why I look like this.
I have traveled a long way.
And some of the roads were not paved.
Spring is here and so am I, But at my age I
If nature can be born anew, why can't I be recycled too?
When you are disatisfied and would like to go back to
think of Algebra.
I don't know how I got over the hill without
getting to the top.
The golden years are really the metallic years.
Gold in the teeth, silver in the hair, and (most of all)
lead in the pants.
The years teach much The days never know.
Some lives, like evening primroses,
blossom most beautifully in the evening of life.
One must wait until evening to see how splendid
the day has been.
Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
< Marie von
don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
I try to take one day at a time
but sometimes several days attack me at once.
I am at the
age where my back goes out a lot more than I do.
I am seeing five gentleman these
days! As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John.
After that Charley Horse comes along and he takes a lot
of my time and attention. When he finally leaves, Arthur
Ritus shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't
like to stay in one place for very long, so he goes from
joint to joint just taking me along.)
After such a busy day, I am tired and really delighted to
go to bed with Ben Gay!
The seven ages of man are spills, drills,thrills, bills,
ills, pills, and wills.
Old Age will be
Old age will be Golden, I've
heard it said
But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed
Will my ears be in the drawer and my teeth in a cup?
Will my eyes be on the table until I wake up?
When I was young, my slippers were red
I could kick my heels right over my head
Now I'm older, my slippers are blue
But I still can dance the whole night through
As I grow older my slippers are black
I'll walk to the store and puff my way back
I'll get up each morning and dust of my wits
And pick up the paper and read the 'obits'
If my name is still missing I know I'm not dead
So I'll have a good breakfast and go back to bed.
the many things no one tells you about aging is
that it is such a nice change from being young.
A travel agent looked up from
his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering
in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous
destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple
looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of
generosity. He called them into his shop: "I know
that on your pension you could never hope to have a
holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at
my expense, and I won't take no for an answer". He
took them inside and asked his secretary to write two
flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his
shop. "And how did you like your
holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The
flight was exciting and the room was lovely,"
she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one
thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the
Life would be infinitely happier if we could
beborn at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
Two old women were sitting on a
bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late,
and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to
the other and said, "You know, I've been
sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!".
The other woman turned to her and said "I
know! I heard it snoring!"
A reporter was interviewing a
decrepit, wizened up, wrinkled man of clearly advanced
age. She wondered if he adhered to any special diet.
"Oh, yeah," said the man, "I drink two
quarts of beer and a pint of whisky daily, and smoke at
least two big black Cuban cigars. My favorite food is
french fries and gravy."
"Amazing!" she exclaimed, " How old did
you say you were?"