(A tale of a Pedigreed Piddlin Pup Ten Piddles and a Puddle)

Piddle #1
A farmers' dog came into town,
His Christian name was Rex,
A noble pedigree had he,
Unusual was his text.
And as he trotted down the street
`Twas beautiful to see,
His work on every corner-
His work on every tree

Piddle #2
He watered every gateway too,
And never missed a post.
For piddling was his specialty,
And piddling was his boast
The City Curs looked on, amazed
With deep and jealous rage,
To see a simple country dog
The piddler of the age.

Piddle #3
Then all the dogs from everywhere
Were summoned with a yell,
To sniff the country stranger o'er
And judge him by the smell.
Some thought that he a king might be,
Beneath his tail a rose,
So every dog drew near to him
And sniffed him up their nose.

Piddle #4
They smelled him over one by one,
They smelled him two by two,
And noble Rex, in high disdain,
Stood still till they were through.
Then just to show the whole Shebang,
He didn't give a damn,
He trotted in a grocery store,
And piddled on a ham.

Piddle #5
He piddled in a mackeral keg-
He piddled on the floor,
And when the grocer kicked him out
He piddled through the door.
Behind him all the city dogs,
Lined up with instinct true,
To start a piddling carnival,
And see the stranger through.

They showed him every piddling post,
They had in all the town,
And started in with many a wink,
To piddle the stranger down.
They sent for champion piddlers
Who were always on the go,
Who sometimes did a piddling stunt
Or gave a piddle show.

Piddle #7
They sprung these on him suddenly
When midway through the town,
Rex only smiled and polished off
The ablest white or brown.
For Rex was with them every trick,
With vigor and with vim.
A thousand piddles more or less
Were all the same to him.

So he was wetting merrily,
With hind leg kicking high,
When most were hoisting legs in bluff,
And piddling mighty dry.
On and on, Rex sought new grounds,
By piles and scraps and rust.
Till every city dog went dry,
And piddled only dust

But on and on went noble Rex,
As wet as any rill,
And all the champion city pups
were piddled to a standstill.
Then Rex did free-hand piddling,
With fancy flirts and flits,
Like "double dip" and "gimlet twist",
And all those latest hits.

Piddle #10
And all the time this country dog,
Did never wink or grin,
But piddled blithely out of town,
As he had piddled in.

The Puddle
The city dogs, a conversation held,
To ask, "What did defeat us?"
But no one ever put them wise
That Rex had diabetes!

I am fully aware, That my youth has been spent,
That my get up and go has got up and went
But I really don't mind, when I think with a grin....
Of all the great places my GET UP has been!

Little Mary donned her skates,
Upon the ice to frisk.
Now wasn't she a silly girl
Her little * ?

My dear old dad remarked long ago
If your hopes and dreams fade a bit
If things don't go quite right, my son
Stand up like a man and quit


There was a young lady from Spain
Who got sick when she rode on the train.
Not once - but again
And again, and again
And again, and again, and again!
(Disgusting huh?)


There once was a man named ROUND
while cutting his lawn he drowned,
Twas dark and he fell, down the shaft of a well,
Couldn't tell his grass from a hole in the ground!


Twinkle. twinkle, little star
How I wonder how you are
Up above the world so high
You know - it's a wonder you don't get a nosebleed!


Pity poor Edgar Allan Poe
A man who was battered and broken
"How can I concentrate?" he cried...
"With that lousy raven croakin?"


Once I had a candy store,
Business, it was dead.
I asked my wife just what to do....
This is what she said.

Take a can of kerosene,
Put it on the floor.
Take a match, make a scratch...
No more candy store!

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